Friday, April 9
12:27 a.m.
UPD reported a noise complaint at the campus apartments. The complaint was gone, and UPD was greeted with nothing but silence.
1:27 a.m.
The noise complaint was found again, this time in the Tan Oak Hall. This time, UPD cornered the noise complaint and warned it to stay quiet.
11:47 a.m.
UPD gave a citation to a driver on 17th and G Streets. The driver was informed that seat belts are required in this state, unlike in some states where all you need is some duct tape or twine.
12:15 p.m.
UPD was summoned to investigate the scent of marijuana. The expert noses of UPD were able to tell that it was, in fact, not marijuana at all, but a clever impostor.
4:16 p.m.
UPD encountered a group of students who were up on a roof near the Jolly Giant Commons. They were formally warned that this was a profoundly bad idea and removed from the roof. We’re not sure how UPD goes about removing students from roofs, but we suspect that they were lured down with a Pabst Blue Ribbon on a string.
Saturday, April 10
2:18 a.m.
UPD reports that a student in Sunset Hall had risen above the normal level of craziness that exists in Sunset hall and was actually crazy. They were transported to Mad River Community Hospital. That’s not funny.
10:46 a.m.
UPD stopped a vehicle on 14th Street for speeding. How anybody manages to speed on a street with stop signs every other block is more than the human mind can ever grasp.
11:22 a.m.
UPD responded to an audible alarm at the greenhouse. For the first time in Humboldt County history, an alarm heard near a greenhouse turned out to be a false one.
1:38 a.m.
UPD paid a visit to the pedestrian underpass. They reported that someone had placed an object in the path of the security camera to block its view, but they did not report any vandalism. There are reports of flying pigs and snowball fights in the third circle of hell, but these are unconfirmed rumors.
6:43 a.m.
UPD reported that the object in front of the security camera at the pedestrian underpass was back. They are still looking into who may have placed a large, black bubble over the camera, completely obstructing its view.
Sunday, April 11
2:53 a.m.
UPD gave two students in Juniper formal warnings for the heinous crime of drinking in college. It is important to remember in this day and age that drinking in the dorms, while commonplace, is still against the rules, much like smoking marijuana in Humboldt County or vandalizing the pedestrian underpass.
12:04 p.m.
UPD contacted two subjects in Van Matre Hall for making use of a room that nobody is supposed to actually use. No report as to what these people were actually doing, but who knows what mischief one can get up to in the Geology Department headquarters?
5:15 p.m.
Well, we knew this would happen eventually. The author of the UPD bytes called UPD about a jump start. When UPD showed up, they discovered that someone had stolen all his jump start related puns. Nothing about assault and battery, or how shocking the exchange was, or nobody was charged with any crime. UPD is not looking into the case of who stole the jokes.
8:06 p.m.
UPD was summoned to the aid of an injured raccoon by the Depot. UPD confirmed that the raccoon was indeed injured and that it still wasn’t a criminal offense.
UPD BYTES 4-14
Published: Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Updated: Tuesday, April 13, 2010 23:04
 "Photo: N/A")
Be the first to comment on this article!