Thursday, Feb. 18
5:02 a.m.
Someone was spotted digging through the Creekview recycling. The subject was gone when UPD arrived. Worst case scenario: Somebody escaped with a potentially dangerous amount of empty soda bottles. Best case scenario: Raccoon in disguise. Let's just hope for the best.
12:07 p.m.
UPD cited a man for possessing marijuana. Yes, that's still illegal around here.
4:13 p.m.
UPD gave a vehicle a boot because it was complaining that it's toes were freezing. It also had many unpaid parking tickets on the windshield, but the toes are what matter.
Friday, Feb. 19
2:07 a.m.
Four male subjects were spotted carrying traffic cones around by the pedestrian underpass, and they dissapeared before UPD arrived. UPD has no idea what they were up to, but it couldn't have been good.
2:50 a.m.
Somebody was yelling in the area of the Canyon gazebo. UPD was unable to locate him when they arrived. We suspect that the gazebo won the argument, and the subject is now hiding in shame.
8:08 p.m.
A janitorial worker found that the BSS marketplace was unlocked, with all the lights off, and nobody around. UPD determined that it had not been broken into, the lock had not been compromised, and nothing was stolen. Somebody just forgot to lock up.
Saturday, Feb. 20
10:57 a.m.
A suspicious subject hanging around the Jolly Giant Commons attracted the attention of the people there, but they vanished while UPD was being called in. It appears the mere thought of being dealt with by UPD scares people away these days.
5:01 a.m.
The University Center burglary alarm went off. UPD responded, and determined that it was a false alarm. Nobody was trying to steal the center of the university.
Sunday, Feb. 21
10:14 a.m.
The burglary alarm alerted UPD that something horrible was happening at Plant Operations. They rushed to the scene, to discover that nothing at all was happening. They very quickly did nothing about it.
10:32 a.m.
Once again, the burglary alarm at Plant Operations signaled UPD to come rushing. UPD came, thinking that you never get two false alarms in a row. Well, they did. Once again, UPD left without having to do a thing.
11:30 a.m.
UPD rushed to Plant Operations in response to a burglary alarm, with the firm belief that the third time would be a charm. It wasn't.
12:23 p.m.
The burglar alarm that cried wolf went off yet again. Why UPD even bothered to show up is a mystery, because wolves aren't native to this area, and besides, Animal Control would be better equipped to deal with wolves. No offense, UPD.
Monday, Feb. 22
12:12 p.m.
A motorist by the Lutheran church spake unto UPD "Woust thou jumpstarteth my car," And UPD said unto thee, "Yae, thou car SHALL be jumpstarteth!" And UPD jumpstarteth the car, and it WAS good.
12:32 p.m.
Three weeks ago, a motorist returned to their car to find damage to the driver's side. Sunday night, permanent marker was used to draw on the driver's side of the same car. UPD will be taking the driver's side of the car into witness protection and to an undisclosed location.
1:06 p.m.
Someone reported to UPD that a suspicious person was lurking in the bushes north of the parking booth on Rossow Street. UPD was unable to find them, meaning that they probably escaped up the hill to Bret Harte House to hang with the suspicious journalists therein.
11:58 p.m.
UPD cited a person for drug activity at the library. Most people would have thought the school library was a bad place for a rave. However...
UPD Bytes 2/24/2010
Published: Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Updated: Wednesday, February 24, 2010
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