Friday, Feb. 5
2:17 a.m.
UPD was called to the Campus Apartments’ gazebo because of some rowdy folks who were disturbing the peace. They were given beaded necklaces, flowers, tie-dye shirts, and a warning not to disturb Humboldt’s peace again. They were escorted to their rooms.
11:28 p.m.
UPD encountered four underage students in Cypress who were drinking. Upon further inspection, it came to light that they were drinking alcohol, and were warned against drinking such things in the future. Or, at least until their 21st birthdays.
Saturday, Feb. 6
12:52 a.m.
UPD arrested a 42-year-old man who was lingering in the area of Chinquapin Hall for possessing large amounts of marijuana and violating probation. He is now in custody, and UPD have called Father Merrin about having the Marijuana exorcised.
2:38 p.m.
UPD received a hangup 911 call from the BSS building. They rushed to the scene to find absolutely nothing out of place. They put absolutely nothing back into its place, and ruled it a false alarm.
3:51 p.m.
A male subject was kicked off the campus for snoozing in the Sunset fire lane. That day, that man learned a new meaning to the phrase “You snooze, you lose.”
6:45 p.m.
A vehicle with a large trailer was having difficulty leaving the campus. UPD helped it out of there. It left.
8:43 p.m.
UPD was wandering around the Creekview apartments when they smelled the unthinkable: marijuana. They searched for its source, but were unable to figure out where it was coming from. This was probably because the smell of pot smoke is largely indistinguishable from the air around here.
10:57 p.m.
UPD heard reports of minors drinking alcohol in the parking lot in front of the campus apartments. In the time it took UPD to get ready, pile in a squad car, start the engine, and drive 100 yards, the youngsters had mysteriously dissappeared.
Sunday, Feb. 7
2:14 a.m.
Housing called UPD about a wild party that had appeared in Pepperwood. UPD used warnings. They were effective. An intoxicated student appeared. UPD used citation 2566(A) BP (Minor in possession of alcohol). It was super effective!
2:58 a.m.
Housing requested that UPD assist them with one extremely intoxicated resident making a ruckus in Sunset. This resident declined to be carried away in an ambulence, which was a decision that this person was in the perfect state of mind to make. They were warned not to become so intoxicated on campus agian.
6:16 p.m.
UPD arrived at the Manor apartments to find somebody digging about in the recyclables. UPD told the subject to return the recyclables because they were sticky and gross, and also because digging through other people’s recycling is illegal. The subject was advised to take up a healthier activity, like perhaps sewage surfing, or giving french-kissing lessons to swine flu patients.
Monday, Feb. 8
9:29 a.m.
UPD spotted a strange person acting suspiciously in the vicinity of the Jolly Giant Commons. They disappeared into the cold night air before anybody had time to realize it was morning.
11:37 a.m.
UPD was patrolling Granite Avenue when they spotted someone camping out. After prodding this sleepyhead awake, they told them that Granite Avenue was a profoundly bad place to sleep. The asphalt, you see, is bad for one’s posture, and the trained chiropractors in the employ of the University Police wanted to avoid a bad case of scoliosis.
12:17 p.m.
A dog running loose on the quad withour proper teathering attracted UPD’s attention. UPD warned the dog that next time it was going to be on the university quad, it should tether itself properly.
2:58 p.m.
UPD officers felt a breath of cold night air coming from the area of 10th and H street, and thought it might be some trace of the suspicious person spotted on campus earlier. Apparently, it was no such thing.
U.P.D. Bytes
Published: Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Updated: Tuesday, February 9, 2010
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