2008 Woodie Awards
A Citizen's Solution
Zack Smith
Issue date: 2/27/08 Section: Opinion
Due to the dire condition of the California state budget, it is my civic duty to step up and propose a panacea. The governor has called for budget cuts of ten percent across the board. The state legislature has already passed emergency cuts in preparation of what is to come, ever so tacitly supporting the governor's plan. But I say why stop there? Why not go further?
California schools are ranked forty-sixth in the nation (in terms of per pupil spending) [and are one of the state's largest expenditures]. California prisons are an equally large state expense and are dangerously overcrowded. These leviathans are obviously a detriment and fail to serve society in any meaningful way. Why stop at ten percent of their funding? Ten percent is far too generous. Let's eliminate taxpayer support and financing for them altogether! Californians could not only balance their budget, but could possibly see a surplus!
With schools and prisons closed, students and criminals would be free to spend their days however they please. This is not only generous, but also patriotic. Liberty is the cornerstone of the United States. Perhaps with prisoners' high levels of aggression, they could join the burgeoning entertainment industry, dueling it out on American Gladiator or cable's Ultimate Fighter. Illiterate ex-students, unaware of history, mathematics, science, English, or art, could look forward to a gratifying life in the food service industry.
Without the abilities necessary to get into an institution of higher learning, ex-students will never have to deal with the burdens of college. Perhaps they can enrich the lives of other California citizens by providing essential black market services, such as distributing narcotics. Citizens will, of course, have plenty of money for these services due to the projected budget surplus.
Closing California public schools and prisons shall not only save the taxpayer money, it will be an act of patriotism. These budget cuts go beyond our leaders' proposals, symbolizing our dedication to solving our state's financial woes. Today we can stand for freedom by freeing all of our prisoners. Today we can stand for education by letting the streets educate our children.
Eliminating funding to our schools is the only way to save them and our own pocket books. Liberating prisons will stimulate the entertainment industry, while simultaneously allowing taxpayers to keep their hard earned money. The governor's solution should be terminated in favor of this citizen's solution.
Zack Smith is the pen name for a graduate student at CSU East Bay.
California schools are ranked forty-sixth in the nation (in terms of per pupil spending) [and are one of the state's largest expenditures]. California prisons are an equally large state expense and are dangerously overcrowded. These leviathans are obviously a detriment and fail to serve society in any meaningful way. Why stop at ten percent of their funding? Ten percent is far too generous. Let's eliminate taxpayer support and financing for them altogether! Californians could not only balance their budget, but could possibly see a surplus!
With schools and prisons closed, students and criminals would be free to spend their days however they please. This is not only generous, but also patriotic. Liberty is the cornerstone of the United States. Perhaps with prisoners' high levels of aggression, they could join the burgeoning entertainment industry, dueling it out on American Gladiator or cable's Ultimate Fighter. Illiterate ex-students, unaware of history, mathematics, science, English, or art, could look forward to a gratifying life in the food service industry.
Without the abilities necessary to get into an institution of higher learning, ex-students will never have to deal with the burdens of college. Perhaps they can enrich the lives of other California citizens by providing essential black market services, such as distributing narcotics. Citizens will, of course, have plenty of money for these services due to the projected budget surplus.
Closing California public schools and prisons shall not only save the taxpayer money, it will be an act of patriotism. These budget cuts go beyond our leaders' proposals, symbolizing our dedication to solving our state's financial woes. Today we can stand for freedom by freeing all of our prisoners. Today we can stand for education by letting the streets educate our children.
Eliminating funding to our schools is the only way to save them and our own pocket books. Liberating prisons will stimulate the entertainment industry, while simultaneously allowing taxpayers to keep their hard earned money. The governor's solution should be terminated in favor of this citizen's solution.
Zack Smith is the pen name for a graduate student at CSU East Bay.
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